My foolish ignorance is ugly and ridiculous
I am both insecure and arrogant
I fall with faithless followers
Shallow values I despise and deny my submission to
shame me decidedly
I am guilty of opening body's vacancy
for the artwork of passing demons
I growl and smash
violent and terrified
helpless and weak,
I am an angry burden
for every inch of your skin
I've served as a tool for distraction and destruction
Stupidly Seducing men to exchange their pain for a slippery sin
I shortened your breathe and stole water from your bones
I've abused my borrowed body to a pitiful position
I do not like my soft-spoken smile that nervously stutters
in desperation for approval
Pathetically I need constant reassurance that I'm not being seen
as a grey-scaled creature with a broken soul
as another lost and lazy traitor
Far too ungrateful to dole my creator a few minutes of my pointless day
I waste opportunity to sense magnificence
I reject divinity
I slit the dry wrists of my potential.

My loneliness is obvious
I perform like a thoughtless monkey for fools
vomiting my anxious energy amusingly
I attempt with desperation to fill emptiness with attention
My masochism is indiscreet
Fear holds dominion here
Obnoxious rhythms rattle awkwardly through my nerves
Condescendingly Shoving my voice to run cross a dilapidated bridge
I have acted unspeakably a number of times
I lock away those memories furiously
I have destroyed beauty defiantly for my assumed gain
and for fading distraction from emotional pain
Depression has degraded me to keep arise and asleep to unhealthy degrees
Why?
I realize the human mind's destructive past fear's conditioning is common
Why have I accepted and I allowed such pain?
I am exhausted.

My depression is making love to rage!

I Will Patterns to my desired Change!!

End:  illogical anxiety cycles of pain!

Separate from straps of comfortable bondage!

Now approaches the Time for the Ruling of the Light

I remember great wonder in faithful pursuit of philosophical questions that desire not one answer but all truth
I recall visions of Voicing on podiums to uplift the oppressed and unite humanity
I remember actively investigating my morality and standing willfully pious.
Brilliant, loving friends and passionate writing
We will paint dreams as we sing of the uplifting Truths
I am of Love
I am a daughter of The Magnificent Creative
Universal Consciousness
The energy of Love.
Imagine violet ocean, one with her children, the waves
one who calls herself Coral loves the inside of an interesting shell
identifying herself with her colors and qualities
juggling beliefs between two different realities
She is the shell.  She is the sea.
All waves wisely Remember
We are all one with Mother
I am of Love, one with,
I am
I am capable of creating any dream I chose
I dismantle fear's power by deciding to Heal wounds
Look at me now with the eyes of Mother Love
Beautiful Baby with eclectic patchwork life
torn and bloody, lost and wondering,
faintly remembering when I was chosen to sense you strongly
before I fell speaking with sin's rational
I am sweet, sad child misguided
I are trying, worn with fighting,
Rest and lift me up from hiding
Willfully Remaster a Remarkable Mind
For a Meaningful Creative Life
To Live remembering our union with Love
Healing family with rays of compassion's Light
Meditate to strengthen fibers, calm center
Observing thoughts actively
Defend Temple from unworthy whispers
Understand and forgive scarred mind clean
I Will Remember to Remember
Holding tight my dear surrender
Employing resolve to grow spiritual wealth
I Will my future Written by Myself

April 27, 2009

Controlled thoughts fight the voices.
Without sunrise preparations
winds of dogmatic distance
slowly blow weather upon my precision.
It's been so long... I've slept to deny discipline!
Reaffirmations recall little of my lessons...

and Now, I'm sensing the slices in the back of my skull
demanding your mending to heal and console!
I refuse to listen,
humming emptiness as defense
to keep the lies from coming in.

If I sleep for a second, satan stabs my skin.
I'll lick my wounds, I'll be well again.
But I am Wasting Energy and Time
Allowing the Threat of a Shadow...
The Power to Blind!!!!

I should observe at Peace
as dramas pass,
See Sin's Solid Soldiers carry puny staffs,
little dicks and pricks that make me laught
and Continue, For I am Not Written by My Past!

Oct 22, 2008

This circle here, you're free to share, your darkest fears violent tears,

naked strength upheave the snakes to a tall display

scientists analasis deliver the consistancy of journey's debrie

mother nature collectors pour proper potion to clear away

supressons now surfaced examine their purpose, origin, and decay

Fire in the city
Black ash to feed our hearts
an abattoir of virulence
tearing us apart
silent self destruction
cause we're comfortable undone
We need to feel the strength
of the kisses from the sun

(Chorus):
But the sun doesn't kiss me no more
The heaven's used to lay with me, on my bedroom floor
But the sun doesn't kiss me no more
The heavens left me empty, dyin on the floor

This world is an illusion
stifling confusion
I've forgotten how to play
I don't make time to pray

My magic distant mother
with a touch like no other
though the consequence well known
these knives can fill this hole

I can't seem to find her
cause I focus on survival
Pain and Fear fill me with greed
as I swallow Satan's stream

(Chorus)

Though my mouth is on a gun
I know I am a chosen one!
She'll return to me one day
Bless the destitute to pray

Love's power I remember
Sun's salvation kiss so tender
Though she seems so far away
She listens when I pray

The sun's gonna kiss me once more
I remember when you rained on me on my bedroom floor
The sun's gonna kiss me once more
You know I miss you desparetly
I think you miss me more

The sun's gonna kiss me once more
I'll hold onto her for dear life
when we open up that door
The sun's gonna kiss me once more
and this time you will stay with me
Blessed forever more

I strive in hurtful and emotionally difficult situations; recently I was asked if I was masacistic because of my odd apreciation for pain and it's effects.  It is not enjoyable at first, but distruction forces me to conjure up my true strength, love and understanding for myself and the world in order to conquer it and control how I allow events to effect me.  I continually amaze myself with the strength of my true nature when motivated by such necessity; I feel cleansed, reawakened and powerful. 

Loosing attatchments gives me an insightful gratitude for blessings I often take for granted. 

Today's Affirmation

I want to heal souls with energy and positivite affirmations brought by clarity.  To do this i've got to clear my mind more diligently.  And so i will, and so it will be.  i write my destiny, and i chose to fight as a peaceful warrior against negativity, begining with the inside of me.  I know that i am strong enough to leave behind the things that hurt me, to conquer insecurities through wisdom,  and develop my sources of light. 

  I exist in a world of energy, where love is the only reality....may sound cliche, but what else can trancend through eternity?  Our bodys and personal experiences are expressions of the equations that we focus on and develop inside ourselves....a reflection of our soul.  In the depths of the soul, a collective consciousness (unconscious to the physical) breathes life throughout all we sense, and at the same time connects us to the spiritual home of energy and peaceful truth.  I believe every part of the physical reality is a metaphor for this eternal santuary and our senses serve as teachers.  Pain is an illusion that encourages us to find and create passageways to the healing energy of love.                                                
I am God is Love is Everything is You....We are One.